Be patient when your parents grow old

* Luís Alberto Alves

"Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be prolonged to the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee", Exodus, chapter 20, verse 12

Perhaps the richest, strongest and deepest experience of the human journey is to have a child. Full of emotions, sometimes harrowing, being a parent is to prove the limits that make up the salt and honey of loving someone.

 When they are born, children are moved by their fragility, their immense eyes, their innocence and grace. Just look at them so the heart widens in laughter and color. A smile can open the doors of a paradise. They come into our lives with promises of unconditional love. They depend on our love, on the care we have. And they return with tender gestures.

But the years go by and the children grow up. They choose their own paths, partners and professions. They walk new paths, move away from the matrix. Time is in charge of the formation of new families. The grandchildren are born. We grow old. And then something begins to change.

The children no longer have that attitude of their parents. It seems that now they only hear them to make criticisms, to complain, to point out failures. The admiration of childhood no longer shines in their eyes, and this is an immense pain for parents.

As much as they disguise, every father and mother notices the slightest sparks in the eye of a child. It is when elderly parents say to themselves: What have I done? Why the charm is over? Why does my son no longer have me as his private hero?

Only a few years passed and it seems that the cares and wisdom that had previously been a reference to everything in life seemed forgotten. Gradually, the attitude of the children becomes increasingly impertinent. They hardly hear the advice any more.

Each day they show more impatience. They think parents have outdated opinions, old ones. It is worse when they imply with the manias, the old habits, the old songs. And they try to make old parents adapt to new times, to new customs.

The older the parents, the more their children take over. When they are very old, they no longer decide what they want to do or what they want to eat and drink. They are seldom heard when they try to do something different.
Rides, food, clothes, doctors - everything is decided by the children. And yet, the parents are just old. But they remain in full possession of the mind. Why then disrespect them? Why treat them as if they were useless or children without discernment?

Yes, that's what most kids do. It gives orders to parents, treats them as if they have no opinion or decision-making ability. And yet, deep in those wrinkled eyes, there is so much love. In those trembling hands, there is always a gesture that blesses, caresses.

Each day you are born, remember, the day of separation is nearer. One day, the old father will not be here. The mother's family smell will be absent. The favorite clothes forever folded on the bed, the slippers in any corner of the house.

So, cherish the time now with the aging parents. Patience with them when they refuse to take the pills, when they talk endlessly about diseases, when they complain about everything.

Just embrace them, wipe their tears, listen to the stories (even if they are repeated) and give them attention, affection ... Believe: inside that old heart will sprout all the flowers of hope and joy.

* Luís Alberto Alves is a pastor